Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
