Pants 0. Shit 1.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
