Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
