If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just cut my nipple shaving
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
