The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
