Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
