Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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