God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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