Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
