I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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