so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
