the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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