I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
