He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
