Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
