I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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