then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
