Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
