Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
