it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Im part way to drunk.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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