That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
