Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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