I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
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When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
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I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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