I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
