god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
