we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
