My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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