ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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