I accidentally burped into my bong.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
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I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
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Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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