Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
