Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
