So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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