My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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