just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
