I smell stomach acid.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
