I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
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