You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
