you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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