Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
