I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
