could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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