Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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