I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
