I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
