...so i touched it.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
