I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The air taste purple.
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