So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
