I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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