tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
