Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
