where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
