just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
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oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
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You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
We smell like vodka and hangover
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