I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
