my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
