return my video game
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
