it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
