i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I believe in your delicious
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