i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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