He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
