You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
