Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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