How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
