My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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