I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
