11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
