the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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