he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
