I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Randomize
