He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
