you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
