no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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